Please Don't Make House Calls
by tohonomike
Summary: Xander dresses from parts of costumes and becomes Professor Alexander Tesla Frankenstein, at your service.


Please Don't Make House Calls Author: Tohonomike Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners. Joss/ME characters especially not mine. I do not and cannot make money off of this, but for feedback, I might come up with something more/better. Rating : PG-13 to PG-17; for general demonic horror content... 

_**Someone came up with a Frankenstein Costume challenge, so I mushed together a few stray story pieces I'd cut out over the last few stories and made one story. Not my best, but someone just had to ask for it.**_

Ethan had been confused when the boy had come up to the counter with his costume pieces from bins he'd been unable to match up as whole costumes. A hooked knife, surgical implements, white lab coat, four rolls of duct tape, some weird metal rods with metal bulbs at the end, bullwhip, a Babylon 5 stun pistol, a paintball gun in tommy gun form, a dart-gun tube for it, presumably a suppressor, a scifi computer and tricorder-looking thing, some Star Trek med kit stuff, a shotgun, a necronomicon, a stilsuit that'd had webbing melt onto it like scales or such, a fedora, a black cloak that'd had the same stuff leak on it as well, Some fake books he'd copied a few different Watcher's books into the first pages, and a bin of tiny miscellaneous tools and parts tat he had no clue as to which sci-fi or monster costumes they went with. He'd accidentally spilled some of his more potent ingredients for the spell into them, and so had decide to allow Janus a chance real chaos within chaos.

"I'm not trying to dissuade you young man, but what single costume could you assemble from all of this?"

"Curious, huh?"

"Enough that if it seems interesting to me, I'll throw in a fake id that matches up with it just to give it that extra something."

"Oh, I decided to combine several types into a single individual, precariously balanced for good but through means most unsavory to most who live in the Light…I am Professor Alexander Tesla Frankenstein (ee, not ine), Technomancer, Necromage and Surgeon of the Dark Things, of the Year 2162 on Babylon 5."

"Oh yes, quite original, but these other parts, the tape, hat, goggles and stilsuit?"

"Oh, the stilsuit is the dragon's leather to protect me 'from the perils of demonic, alien or human mal-intent,' as well as bullets," Xander smirked, "the goggles are omni-spectral, adjusting to human sight, made from the eyes of a demon or dragon with those abilities, the hat was from an Indiana Jones costume, so I thought it would mean he actually goes hunting for his subjects and needs instead of sending others to fetch, and the duct tape to emphasis that like MacGyver, this Doctor Frankenstein can easily cobble together the equipment he needs at any time, maintains modesty around humans, and can actually handle the techno in technomage."

"Excellent thinking lad, if only others gave thought to their costumes," he said, gesturing so he could take a digital picture of Xander close-up for the id, hitting print, "But what of the knife?"

"Oh, as he's the bane of the Dark Things, I figured that what represents the cold and hot fear to them than the knife and surgical kit of Jack the Ripper."

Ethan nearly had a moment of ecstasy anticipating the possibilities in any direction the boy might head.

"Professor!" the short man in the lab coat and silvered sideburns called out, "What has happened, Master?"

"Not Master any more, you're a doctor yourself now, Igor, but It looks like a simulation of the old California Hell Mouth, but why we would be involved in such distraction when there are demons to study is beyond my current knowledge, but never beyond our ability to find out, eh old friend?"

"True, Professor, but I seem to have a basic kit, otherwise I am outfitted as one from the 20th Century, correct?"

"Indeed, my friend, indeed," the apparent teenager agreed, "And the first thing for us to do is to determine why we're hooked up into these less-developed forms of ourselves."

"Could it be Aliens? Trying to ferret out a way to reopen the real Hell Mouth?"

"Sadly, I know not on masters historical, Igor, as I've devoted, like yourself, to that which allows us Advantage against the Dark Things, but remember, as we can feel in this simulation, we might die, so let us find," he said, looking through his possessions, "hmm, yes, first we will cast a spell of restoration, so Igor, I want you to think greatly upon your physical perception of yourself, as will I. Let us use your kit, ah, blood, yes, and I have two vials of Mohra blood here…Corata Neahum Tanmahouh! Now drink, and I'll repeat… Corata Neahum Tanmahouh!"

The two staggered, memories flashing, and musculature generating to meet their expectations. The shorter man gasped, fell, then after a moment a stronger, ungrayed, slightly taller Igor stood up and assisted his greatly-improved former master, when a redhead cam up to them, yelling.

"Xander! Jonathan!" she called at them, causing them to look around and at each other, shrugging, "You two!"

"Yes madam, can we be of service to you," the taller man addressed, "and more importantly, are you a holographic projection of some form or a spirit?"

"I dressed in a ghost costume, and now I am one! Quit kidding around!" she responded with worry, then watched as Jonathan approached her with a device that looked like a tricorder, "What are you doing!"

"Professor, she seems to be a spirit, a very well defined, and might I say lovely one at that," the young man remarked, causing Willow to blush.

"And an exquisite shade of red at that, Igor."

"Professor! Igor!" she near-shouted, confused, "You dressed as your costumes too, and now you're possessed by them too!"

"That would explain a lot," the Professor nodded, turning to Igor, 'We easily recognize each, therefore if the spirit with the adorable blush is speaking the truth, perhaps like the inbred Watchers, we are now in the bodies of our ancestors, my friend!"

"But Professor, the spell we just cast…"

"Will now have blended us together, Igor, I know, but when this passes, our antecedents will possess our full knowledge and perhaps the soul energy of ourselves."

"Very well, Master, I mean Professor, but what now?" the shorter man queried, "What can we do in this time period?"

"Advance the Sciences and Arts of Dark Things, Igor, what else?"

"Now you two are starting to worry me, and we haven't found Buffy yet? And who are you anyway?"

"Oh, excuse us, my dear, for our lapses, when we get into a discussion or hunt for a demon, we become one-tracked. My colleague and former Apprentice, is Associate Professor of Xenobiology and Xenosurgery, Doctor Igor Jonathan Levinson, and I am Professor Alexander Tesla Frankenstein, Xander pronounces een, not ine of similar and greater achievement."

"Doctor Frankenstein!"

"Een, my good miss, not ine…een," he corrected her, Igor rolling his eyes at the familiar scene.

"Okay, uh, Professor, we need to find Buffy!"

"Why for? DO you know her to be in particular danger?"

"She's the Slayer, dressed as an Enlightenment Era noblewoman, on the Hell Mouth!"

"Good Lord!" both youthful men exclaimed, giving her a Giles flashback to every crisis, "We must find this girl who is familiar enough with non-Watchers to go by a nickname."

They heard a scream and the young woman in question running away from small demons.

"Don't shoot them, they're children!"

'Children!" the Professor spat in disgust, "I can see such experimentation as fit upon demons, but never humans." He fired his neuroparalyzer thrice, rendering the little aggressors inactive, "Igor, determine their weight, perhaps we can find a safe spot for them until this is over." He turned to the women, the blonde clinging to the redhead.

"Miss, er, I don't beliee we were granted your name…"

"Willow, and we really need to –"

"Some place where a local knowledgeable in such matters resides, I know." Willow looked annoyed at the interruption but decided getting to Giles at the Library made more sense.

"I can manage two Professor…" Igor called over as he hefted them. The Professor beamed a Willkins-esque smile in return.

"I will manage the other child, so Miss Willow, let us proceed, dear girl, and please choose a well-lit route shall we?"

It took longer to get to the library, but Willow and the annoying Lady Elizabeth watched in amazement as the burdened young Professor rendered demons unconscious when attacked, and had driven off Spike when the master vampire swaggered up and started to go on about how he was going to start with the slayer and work his way along…when the Professor drew out two odd looking devices.

'Your play guns ain't goin' have much effect mate…" the vampire started, as two balls of plasma shot out from the twin knobs into the midst of the minions. Spike, with luck beyond belief, realized he should have stayed in with Dru, and nearly cart-wheeled away as the balls turned into lightning, the bug-zapper effect lashing into and ending the unlifes of the eight real vampires that had closely followed Spike into their end.

Zap-Pow, Spat-Too! then silence as screams died in a cloud of dust.

"Xander! What were those things?"

"Vam-pyres, Willow, you must have seen them by now…"

"I mean the silver zappers…"

"Ah, my Tesla-Bolt Pistols, they do just what you saw, not exactly a 'stun' weapon, eh? Shame to have lost the white-headed one, he's old enough to have made for excellent experimentation."

Nearly three months had gone by, and the school population knew to maintain a completely polite façade to Harris and Levinson; strange things happened around them and while they were brainy and polite, don't bother them. The school science teachers after Thanksgiving had simply upgraded their, well, grades and gave them A's through the end of Senior Year, the metal shop teacher likewise, thus placing the areas off-limits without incurring the attention a negative approach might have garners.

Students became familiar with avoiding alleyways at night where large flashes, screams and the occasional blood-curdling laughing erupted. But while the Scooby Gang and others might have suspicions, the demon population had by Buffy's birthday exited the town, and some even leaving California as disappearances continued, especially when a clan of Mohra demons simply vanished one night, only the smell of dragon on the air identified by an old demon from another plane of existence as evidence of something to be truly avoided.

And Snyder always managed to be somewhere the two students were not, didn't ask where certain substances on inventory disappeared to, and stopped driving by the old CRD plant on his way home.

Giles and Jenny occasionally interacted with the two now-mysterious youths, and invited them to use the computer lab even though she had tested their skills and graded them out of high school classes, and in December both had matriculated to UC Sunnydale with apparently advanced standing.

Giles had been relieved when the two youths had quietly smiled at learning of Eighon, and when a very tired Philip turned up well but unwilling to speak of his time of absence, Giles had picked up on the small smiles and winks given him as the youths left.

Buffy and Angel had both become uncomfortable with the hungry and appraising looks cast at the vampire the few times the ran into either boy, reminding her of how she might look at a particularly interesting pair of shoes.

They'd fallen away except for a few reference contacts with Rupert, and when Buffy had complained around Willow and Xander about some guy dating Joyce, the software consultant's disappearance proved too disturbing a coincidence.

Alexander Harris and Jonathan Levinson walked into the apartment without concern, still dressed as for demon specimen retrieval, having been contacted by Jenny on their communications headsets. They'd then followed her instead of rendezvousing at the Library.

"So, gypsy curses, eh?" the multi-specialization graduate student remarked as an ice breaker."

"How dare you enter without permission…" the old man began, Jenny conflicted as to a response.

"Since the two of you are here, and an emergency large enough to call us has arisen, Angelus is back?"

"That seems the case Alexander," Jenny replied, which strangely elicited a smile from the youths.

"We haven't found an old vampire to test yet, so without the soul…he's ours."

"What do you mean?" she asked, her uncle carefully watching the by-play, "Buffy might not let you too close if that's the case."

"What Elizabeth Summers wishes is of little immediate concern compared to what we can learn with Angelus on our tables."

"You, also, feel the need for vengeance?" the older gypsy asked, curious.

"No, though that is a side benefit as to what me might learn as we dissect this one, he might last a week or so before his usefulness is ended. But first, Jenny, Jana, is Angelus back? In spite of entrapment in a corpse, I will not willingly eliminate a human's soul's presence in this plane without better reason them personal aversion."

"Maybe?"

"Assuredly," the old man spoke.

"I want the spells involving souls that your people have used in the past; don't worry, I probably have them already, having transferred them to 'local' technology on Halloween. In return, I will videotape our procedures and turn over copies of the the tape and results to you when it is over."

"It can be arranged."

"Then is there a reason for you to present an obvious target to Angelus? No? Then let's get you away from here. Jonathan, we'll drop the two of you off at the Lab, take him to LAX and see him off personally; take the

Mohra Gun with you, in case we can test out our home-growns. Enyos, a pleasure."

"To my surprise, yes."

Alexander in full battledress accompanied Jenny back to the school, taking a moment to secure the car before walking in. He finds Jenny trying to avoid Willow being killed by Angelus, Buffy starting to talk to the vampire.

Xander fires a holy water soaked cross-pistol bolt into Angelus' ass from behind, just in case it is the version with a soul. The vampire reels back

and drops Willow moving away from a second attack. When he reaches Buffy he grabs her by the shoulders. She inhales in fright.

"Things are about to get very interesting," he whispers, receiving another bolt up the ass for the stupidity of his stopping, causing him to yelp, yank it both out as he limps away, the humans noting that he looked like he had 'real wood' before the second bolt was removed.

**SHS Library**

Giles paces in disbelief that Angel, one of their insiders and a strong fighter has reverted to Angelus.

"What are we gonna do?" Cordelia asks.

"I'm leaning towards blind panic myself," he sighs as Xander seems to get off his commset.

"I should've known," Buffy sighs, "When I saw him at the house, he was different. The things he said..."

"What things?" Giles asked.

"It's private."

"But you didn't know he had turned bad?" Jenny asked.

"How did you know?" Willow asked

"I surmised it after talking things over with her Uncle Enyos."

"Enyos? That's a Romany name isn't it?"

"More important things Rupert…" Alexander prodded.

"If only we knew how it happened," Giles replied, sitting on the table.

"Not now, Rupert, let's concentrate on the fact that we now have Angelus, Drusilla and possibly the Judge to deal with. Now, I've mobilized a few resources, and they'll be ready tomorrow afternoon. Jana mentioned something about 'no weapon forged by man?' Is that literally?"

"What do you mean?"

"Man-made weapons? Forged weapons? Man-forged weapons? I just want to know how literally we are to plan based on that phrase?"

Alexander had dropped by and was discussing some minutiae of Romany dialectics in their magic when Buffy marches straight to Ms. Calendar's classroom. Giles ahd just walked in to say hello.

"Oh, Buffy…"

Buffy goes right past Giles straight to Jenny, puts her hand around her

throat and shoves her back onto her desk. Xander strikes Buffy in two nerve clusters, causing her to lose her grip and her balance.

"Giles, dismiss the class, will you?" Alexander states."

"Um, yes, class dismissed, keep a low profile…"

"What do you know!" Buffy rages as her use of arms starts to return, "Did you do it? Did you change him? Did you know this was gonna happen?"

"You can't go around accusing everybody..." Giles tells the girl.

"I didn't know... exactly. I was told...Oh, God. I was sent here to watch you. They told me to keep you and Angel apart. They never told me what would happen."

"Jenny!"

"Rupert!" Alexander Harris chides, "Look at her, a Romany beauty shows up just after you and Angel, knows about the night life…and you never suspected?"

"You did?"

"At the time I was rather hoping she'd decide that I was her next sex toy…not," he said, looking annoyed, "But I knew she was always watching the vampire, not trusting it, but also paying attention like you do Buffy when she reports in from patrol."

"I'm sorry, Rupert. Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to

my people."

"And me?" Buffy asked, "What was I supposed to be paying for?"

"I didn't know what would happen until after. I swear I would've told you."

"So it was me. I did it."

"I don't understand," Giles interrupted.

"The curse, a stupid one if you were to critique it," Xander explained, "If Angel achieved true happiness, even just a moment of...he would lose his soul. And the real question is if he knew or not that sleeping with Buffy would do it and chose to ignore it."

"What difference would that make Alexander," Jenny asked, concerned.

"If he knew, and did this, I intend to retrieve the soul, and this one time torture it and the body in every way I can. If not, then we'll leave the soul to the afterlife and Igor and I will use the remains to learn more about the demons that assume control of corpses.

"Curse him again," Buffy choked out.

"No, I-I can't," Jenny sighed quietly, "I mean, those magicks are long lost even to my people."

"You did it once," Buffy pointed out, "It might not be too late to save him."

"We've discussed this, Buffy," Alexander interrupted, "She does not have the particulars, and while her uncle will be sending them to me at some point, they must first be uncovered. And Angelus will not be given free reign to murder or turn a human. Come Jenny, with Igor in Los Angeles, I might need an extra pair of hands for research, and while none of this is your fault, it is best the two of us let them deal with the situation on their own."

At this time, Snyder pokes his head into the room and is about to say something when he sees Alexander, who's supposed to have graduated. Xander looks at him with appraisal, causing a shiver of fear.

"Principal Snyder, gangs on PCP have attacked the Calendars and the Summers. Miss Calendar may require the rest of the day off, as might Miss Summers."

"Uh, yes, g-go ahead, both of you, Rosenberg can watch the class," the normally nasty little man sputtered and raced away.

Giles, Willow, Cordelia, Oz and Buffy forced the mall entrance, hearing the beginnings of panic inside. As they came up near a refreshment kiosk, they were stunned by what they next observed: Jenny and Jonathan on one of those little electrically powered maintenance car, the fronts with large silvery bolts with large knobs at the ends, the back ends with what looked like large battery units. The two drove down from the other end of the hall, as Xander, a dark-haired college student they didn't know and three versions of Joyce's recently-disappeared beau, Ted, came from a third walkway.

From their associate's group they watched as several "Teds" rushed forward to engage the vampires near the Judge. That demon attempted on several of them the end of their lives, but to no effect. Angelus and Drusilla moved forward, not noticing as Xander himself waved a signal to the drivers.

Ka-zap-pop Kzzzz-ziiiiipop spat large versions of his Tesla-Guns, directly for the blue demon. The "Teds" suddenly retreated, covering the humans of their group as the vampires turned to see the Judge and the railing nearby struck with exploding lightning. Angelus vaguely remembered something about Halloween, then turned to Dru.

"Jump!" the master vampire screamed as it lunged over the railing toward the floor below, further stunning his now-abandoned minions.

Pzappop! and everything within fifty feet of the blue demon was set afire or rendered dust. Buffy ran after Angelus as the rest of the Scooby gang stumbled forward to find a smiling Alexander Harris directing his helpers in fire suppression and retrieval of the few surviving parts of the Judge.

"It'll be hard to wrestle us free of our lab for the next couple months," the laughing youth joked as his friends showed up, "Plenty of tests to run, a shame Angelus got away. But soon, he'll be ours, Igor…"

Willow was the first to speak, a few moments later as Buffy was showing up to report the two older vampires had gotten away.

"Ted? We thought…"

"That the Professor had disappeared me? In a manner of speaking he did, then adjusted my programming. Then with the help of Mr. Meers here, we made my brothers."

"You're a robot!" Willow exclaimed in shock and curiosity, "Xander, why didn't you tell us? We thought you'd gotten rid of him."

"Well until Buffy tells her mother about the goings-on in this town herself, I'm not about to inform Joyce Summers she was drugged into infatuation and about to be carried off to be the (snicker) like the bride of me?" He rolled his eyes and grimaced in a style reminiscent of Alan Rickman, "Frankenstein…the non-human cares the beautiful woman…never mind."

"S-so, Alexander, what are you going to do with The Judge?"

"Study it, and see if any good can come from it, then if not, destroy it completely."

"I-I thought that to be impossible…"

"I figure on incinerating the different parts, dividing what's left into vases of holy water, then scattering all twenty divisions across the seas and lands of the Earth. And with the twenty-first bit in concrete designed to attract reef-building, we'll drop it so there'll be little chance in the next billion years that an accrual could happen.

The werewolf and Angelus stared at each other over the body of Teresa on the ground. They hear a 'za-zink' noise, then nothing as hey collapse to the ground.

"This is Zed," the internal transmitter reported back to base, "Jed and I have Angelus and what appears to be a werewolf in neuroparalysis; provisional success. We also have a still-warm turnee on the ground."

"Excellent, Zed," the voice of Warren Meers returned inside the robotic head, "The Professor will be ecstatic, bring all three with you directly."

"What do we have Warren?" Alexander Harris asked as he entered the receiving lab a short time later, smiling as he received the report, "Very good work, any chance the prototype chips are ready?"

"We haven't quite gotten them to work yet, Professor, I can get most of the robotics and biologicals for you, but a standalone control chip is going to take us a while even with my genius. We just don't have the money to make it last more than a minute."

"Do you have the Mohra extractors ready for the victim?"

"Yes we do, Jonathan is on his way right now, the neuro-paralysis is keeping her just at the point of still being alive…"

"Oh, it's Theresa, Warren, I know her, once she's out there'll be the need to transition her back if we're able, so please have Ted arrange some quarters for her."

"I have the extractors," Jonathan informed them as he confidently entered the room, white coat flapping behind him, "What pattern should we go with Professor?"

"Since it's Theresa, inject into legs, stomach and heart, Jonathan, and just as we start to get a response, let's try inducing vomiting…we want the Mohrium to regenerate her, and also attack the infection of vampirism within the blood introduced by Angelus. Warren, please contact Jenny Calendar and Amy Madison…I know we haven't brought them in on this before, but they are magically gifted enough to de-invite the demon?"

Two weeks later, and the rumor existed at school that Oz and Theresa had run off together, Willow greatly saddened at the loss of her second love interest. Amy and Jenny Calendar had both been sympathetic, and tried to assure her that it wasn't anything like that, and hopefully the two lost students would be back soon. Then a week ago, Miss Calendar had resigned to take a position with CRD.

Buffy and Giles kept quite, and while not sure of the fate of the two young people, the underworld rumors that the 'Ripper of Demons' had gotten a hold of Angelus seemed confirmed by the burning of the warehouse and the apparent relocation of Drusilla and Spike to Los Angeles. They'd stopped by the Harris house in hopes that Xander knew something, only to be told by the new owners of the house, that the Harris adults had been arrested and sent to prison for years of child endangerment, child neglect and child abuse, but that the emancipated son apparently had taken up lodgings at a place on Crawford Street recently while he and some partners fixed up an old sorority house near the college campus.

The sun was setting as Giles drove the two girls to the address Willow had hacked using Xander's university records. His grades, course loads and activities had floored the three when Willow had printed them out. Now, in stunned silence, they alighted from the car and looked at the mansion, which property oddly enough abutted the CRD facility on the rear side.

"Wills, are you sure?"

"Yeah, though I'm confused."

"W-well, let us try the door bell shall we?"

A moment later Jenny Calendar answered the door, only slightly surprised, "Oh, hi gang, what can we do for you?"

"W-we're looking for Xander, wondered if he knew of the whereabouts of Angelus or the two students." She commed her headset and nodded, turning back to them.

"Come in, Alexander said he'd be over in a few minutes, he's finishing up some grading."

"S-so he really is a graduate student at the university?"

"Oh, yes, since beginning of term, but it's allowed him to really put his mind to use," Jenny said as she led them to a comfortably decorated recreation hall, gestured at a small walk-in refrigerator, "Can I get you anything?"

Ten minutes passed, then Xander entered the room with the two youths in question. The musician smiled at Willow, and Theresa gave them a little wave.

"I say, Xander…"

"I keep it brief, Rupert, I have work I need to get back to, though it is a pleasure to se you again. Oz was transformed into a werewolf, and was facing off against Angelus over the just-being-turned body of Theresa when my bots showed up. We brought them back and have managed to help Oz adjust to his situation, and we managed to regenerate Terry and dis-invite the demon…so after making sure she's fully regained her health and won't be a vampire, she's ready to return home."

"What of Angel, Xander?" Buffy asked.

"Angel's been gone since your birthday, Buffy."

"You know what I mean."

"I suppose I do."

"So…"

"So far we're making slow but steady progress in the treatment of many blood disorders, blood-borne pathogens and parasites as the result of our vampire and other demon captures, I'd say in about two or three years Sunnydale Pharmacological Corporation will go public and introduce the next wave of cures."

"Angel, Xander…" Buffy emphasized, unable to emote between sadness or frustration.

"Angel's dead, move on…"

"Don't come near us again, Xander, what you're doing is…evil, I don't know you any more."

"It's amoral, Miss Summers, and you never bothered to really get to know me.

It had been nearly eight months ago when the break between the Scooby Gang and Alexander had taken place. And his voice message asking about Drusilla, Spike and the Acathla demon had evoked no response. Oz had returned to the Slayer's group, but wouldn't allow anything bad to be said about his friend, while Theresa had taken her GEDs and some advanced placement exams at the end of the year to start at University of Sunnydale. Giles remembered her as being a nice girl, stopping in to see if any extra help was needed, and oddly enough had shown a flair for the library side of things. He had been pleased to write a glowing letter of recommendation for her entry into college with dual majors in Library Science and that MIS stuff Jenny had been involved with.

He'd sent Oz to talk to Alexander, the werewolf also having dual-majored but having managed to get into an early co-op education program that allowed him accredited access as Giles' assistance twelve hours per week.

The new Slayer had been in town just a couple of days, but the arrival of Kakistos seemed to bode ill. Buffy was due back with Faith any minute, and while Buffy didn't want anything to do with the young genius, Giles needed to protect his charges.

Oz had found Xander and two bots leaving the just-restored sorority house, and explained the situation to him. Alexander half-grimaced, but nodded, and after sending the bots on patrol, had indicated for Oz to drive while changing into full retrieval attire, checking his weapons and readying himself in case this turned out to be some weird intervention by Buffy and Willow they'd gotten by Oz and Rupert. He called Jenny to handle security as Jonathan and Warren were in LA returning a book he'd rented from a man named Hainsley. And he told the man he'd been going to meet for dinner near the school, to be careful, but that he'd pick him up for a rendezvous in a few minutes.

"Who are we picking up?"

"An old friend of mine."

The library doors opened quickly, revealing to Willow, Giles, Buffy, Cordelia, and Faith two vampires that had the girl freak at the sight of them, Drusilla and Spike, not to mention the ten vampires coming through the back of the library, or the crowd of them that were following them in. The lights flickered a bit.

"So, two Slayers for the price of one!" Mr. Trick enthused as his Master stepped forward, ugly and powerful, "Sire, your entertainment awaits."

Zap-Pow, Spat-Too! Zap-Pow, Spat-Too! Zap-Pow, Spat-Too!

Zap-Pow, Spat-Too! Zap-Pow, Spat-Too! Zap-Pow, Spat-Too!

The screams of vampires erupted from around the building outside, causing the newcomers to look around in confusion as Spike and Drusilla headed for the high windows in order to esape.

"Cowards!" Kakistos screamed at them, "You run!"

"It's the bleedin' Ripper of Demons, mate, of course we're running!"

Kakistos quieted in shock at hearing of the new Power on the scene, but pointed at the Scooby Gang as a big zapping took place outside, "Attack!"

Against minnons, Faith seemed energized and let loose unconditionally as fear turned toward a lust for the battle, slashing with a sword and using a crossbow bolt as a stake, dusting the rear-attackers left and right as Willow, Giles and Corelia fired crossbows from behind the counter and urled what holy water they had. Buffy used the narrows in the counter to reduce her fight solely to two minions at a time, no one noticing Trick ahd absconded after the other two master vampires.

More zapping, more screams, the spattering-spitting with the smell of burnt electronics as the heads of two bots flew up and over the counter from the midst of battle, the Scooby Gang badly bruised and hard-pressed, the three normals back into the office.

Three more Teds with Warren providing t-gun support on the left took off after the three master vampires and two minions as the dust swirled around the last Tedbot and the three mortal fighters as they came through the door.

"Zed! That one please!" Xander crowed and pointed at Kakistos who neared the counter and the Slayers, grabbing each by the wrist and throwing them over his shoulder, and to the feet of the 'cavalry', " ignore the rest! Oz, Nivna! Mitt Uns!"

They charged Kakistos,as he turned receiving three neuro-hits and three mohrium hits, slowing him down but not quite stopping him. The Tedbot pounded the vampire in the head, Oz kicked it between its calcified legs, and Nivna, wearing a Red Sox cap and Cubs jacket smacked the kidneys with a baseball bat as Xander opened up with t-guns into the remaining minions seeking to escape. Suddenly as two groaning Slayers got to their feet, silence returned to the building, as Warren and two bots returned and entered.

"Sorry, Boss, we were only able to dust the female vamp, the others were running just a little too fast."

"That's alright Warren, look what we get to play with in the labs."

"An Old Vampire, Alexander! Cool!" Warren Meers smiled like it was Christmas, "I can't wait to try out our prototypes on this one. Jed, Ted, go pick up your brothers, Bat-Boy, help me get the heavy out to the truck."

"Uhm, Xander?" Willow asked, coming out of the office Oz rushing over to help her, "Thanks?"

"Sure…Wills," Xander responded, giving her one of his old smiles, then turned to the others, "I trust everyone is without a need for hospital care?"

"So it would seem," Giles responded, nursing a sore arm, "I didn't quite expect more than yourself when I called."

"Well it was just three of us when we started over, but my resources had gone out after different smaller detected groups that ended up as one big honkin' attack on Fortress Tweed, and so we're here. And you even gave me a big ol' dusty vamp as a present, so I guess I'll have to give a hostess gift, "Nivna!"

"Stop calling me that, Lexi," the sports fan said coming into the building, "I'm Liam again, remember?" The group sped as they recognized the individual?"

"Angel?" Buffy choked, getting to her feet, then saw Xander give her a shrug, "Angel!"

"I guess she likes her present, hmm?" Alexander quipped as he turned to watch the now-acceptable reunion, then frowned in amusement at their apparent lack of need for oxygen, "At least this time we don't have to worry about soul loss or dangerous undead."

"H-how?" Giles asked.

"Seven months of scientific genius being applied on all fronts, of course," Xander replied, deadpanned in delivery, "And her we are, though I didn't really see myself coming back to the Hell Mouth so soon, I thought it would have to freeze over, eh Miss Summers?"

"Xander, why are you here?"

"Other than Rupert's siren call of providing me with an Ancient Vampire to run tests upon? Maybe to give you back your now-human boyfriend?"

"Human! Willow and Buffy exclaimed, only now realizing that the no-longer-in-black Angel had a complexion.

"Duh?" was their answer, "Anyway, Rupert, I hope the Vamp-yre is all you needed me for, as I'm a bit stretched, so if you'll forgive me? I need to make sure Warren doesn't get ahead of himself." He thought for a moment as he seemed to be listening in the earpiece of his commset, "Oh, Rupert, if you're not going to board your new charge properly, Jenny says there's more than enough room at the mansion for however long you need her to stay there, much better than that…place…she's at now."

"Um, yes, that would be excellent, thank you Alexander," Giles responded, "Faith, I trust Alexander, so please let him help you with regards to room and board."

"Hey, Xander," Cordelia asked, "What was that nivan ting you called Angel?"

"Oh, just a nickname for ol' Liam there, my dear, 'No Irish Vampyres Need Apply.'"


End file.
